"You need to get out & have a break." Letting the boys spend the nightout

So, I have been told in the past week, a few times, I need a break...{umm thanks, is it showing?} I would love the kids to spend the night, if they were a bit easier and I wasn't so neurotic.

I admit it, I am insanely anal about their feeding schedules and meds and them in general. I hate their schedules messed up; I have a schedule for a reason, keeps things going in an orderly fashion. I also have this overwhelming feeling of dread that if something were to happen to them while they were spending the night out, just bc I 'needed' a break, I would feel horrible. I would be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad mommy. {that's one of my favorite kid books, well not mommy...moving on.}

Let's be honest, my kids are a handful & the only time Noah has spent the night out once when I had my C section with Brock & I hated it. I wanted DH to stay home with him and I even left the hospital a few days early so he wouldn't have to stay the night out again & he was at his grandmas!

Also, there are very few ppl who feel comfortable keeping Noah. He has certain meds he has to have a certain times---2 meds that are 3 times a day each and he has a ton of allergy meds to take and his neb not to mention his eating! It takes a huge suitcase just for him alone! I know my mom doesn't like having him hooked up at night---bc the tubing is long and she is scared it will get wrapped around his neck or something. I use to be scared of it to, but you get use to it. I mean, that understandable, plus you have to make his formula and get his pump set up, tape his tubing just right so it doesn't pull on his feeding tube-- Not to mention his gaggin, retching puking business. Why would I want to throw that on anyone when I know how much of a pain in the ass it is????

Then there is Brock. Oh, Brockie. He eats, BUT will only eat for certain people. He will not eat for his daddy, just me, only me, not anyone else, but me, did I say me? He will let my mom feed him sometimes though. When I say he won't eat, I don't mean he will take half the bottle, I mean he screams bloody freaking murder until he gags himself...don't be jealous. :) I can pick him up and he will stop immediately. Brat-o-roni. He also is very fond of his mommy right now....a lot. I love that he loves me, but MAN, he will crawl to my leg pull him and JUST WHINE until I hold him, then he is happy and smiley when I do. I don't see the allure in being held all day. I would think it would be more fun to go and play, especially now that he can crawl and pull up, but nope...that would be too easy, my house doesn't do easy. Plus, he is only 7 months old!

So the moral is, I can't have them go spend the night if all I am going to do is worry about both boys not eating/eating and them fussy being bad, meds...and such......that's not really a break, not like I am going to sleep better with them gone, I will still wake up, but worse, I can't go check to make sure they are breathing. Do any of you still do that? {{Hell Noah is 2 and I still go in at night to make sure I can hear his breathing...when does that stop????}} Sometimes Brock is in such a deep sleep I have to jostle him to make him move some bc I can't see his chest going up and down. I can't go to bed until they are asleep and double checking that they are indeed breathing.

I told, you, I am nuts, I admit it & besides it's not like I have a line of people wanting my kids to spend the night......maybe one day when things settle down some, me included.