Married life isn't always easy. Then you have kids and it can make things more complicated. You may have different parenting styles and have to learn to mesh both styles together to make that one that works for both of you and of course, the child. I mean, what are the marriage statistics today...1 in 2 marriages end in divorce. So, basically you got a 50/50 chance of it working in your favor. It takes work and patience.
Now throw in a child with special needs and you have a whole new world open up. The stress of having a child, in our case, with unknown issue, is unreal. You have to live it to know how it is. You have a new world of extra pediatrician appointments, specialists, therapies, hospital stays, surgeries...it goes on and on. It's not a few times a month, it can be weeks of appointments, non stop, every single day, it's draining.
Just accepting that you have a child with special needs is hard. No one wants something to be wrong with their baby. You and your partner may come to terms with it in different ways. I was vocal. I cried, yelled, rejoiced in the tiny things....my husband was quiet and didn't say much. I would beg him to talk about it, he wouldn't. He would just say, "it is what it is." Very true, but when you see your infant starving, bones sticking out with not one Dr that can help you, that's not what I wanted to hear. I wanted him to say, "Ya you know what, I am scared too." He never did. He kept it all in, bottled up.Taking Noah to his Dr appointments he would be the one to hold Noah down while they did the blood work. I couldn't, made me sick to my stomach. Nothing hurts more than watching your baby held down while they do procedures to them. It hurts your soul. You know they don't understand, but you also realize your not going to stop searching for answers. Giving up is not an option, but deep inside you know this isn't how it's suppose to be.
I am not going to sit here and say our marriage was easy or is easy. There have been times when it would have been easier to walk out and not look back. Not that I didn't love him, but it was so hard, so stressful, the unknown, walking out would have been the easiest thing to do. I thought he didn't understand me, he thought I didn't understand him, we wouldn't talk to each other much, because nothing we said helped each other. We blamed each other for things that didn't make any sense. We didn't have time alone...what's that? Our world was Noah and Drs. There wasn't time for us. We didn't have money to go out to dinner a lot for "us" time. We were living on my husbands income because I had to stay home with Noah. This alone added a ton of stress.
It's not been easy or fun at times, that's for sure, but he has started to talk more about what he's feeling, which is nice. We have tried to make more time for us, which doesn't always happen, but is nice when it does happen, though we end up talking about the kids. Go figure. We still have issues to work on, but what married couple has that perfect marriage? I have never met one.
No matter what, I am glad I have someone to share my good days, bad days, fears, happiness with. Someone who gets it. I can't imagine not having my kids, no matter how chaotic it can get at times. I know I speak for both of us when I say, we can have to worse day ever and the kids can smile and our day is instantly better. The kids smiles, hugs, & laughter make our world better even on the worse days.
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