Noah's Story...birth

Since this is all new, I should start with Noah's story......this will be long, hang on.

 My pregnancy with Noah was pretty normal--appointments were always ok, but still, I worried as many new momma's do. I made it to my 36 week appointment and thinking we were just going to do the normal measuring, weight, and "do you have any questions?" chat. Our OB, who I am SO beyond thankful for, said I was measuring small, around 30-32 weeks, BUT there could be many reasons why, the position the the baby, he was more towards my back vs front kinda thing, but my heart sunk...I knew something was off & here she was pretty much in my mind confirming that. She recommend and U/S to check growth, he was still moving well so she wasn't too concerned. The scheduling office couldn't get us in until the following week, but my OB worked her magic and got up in that Friday, the next day..humm..? ok....It was very stressful waiting. I went home and was so still, counting Noah's every movement. The next day was June 5th, my husbands birthday & u/s day. My appointment was at 2pm, funny how you can remember these things, he was going to meet me at work and we go together. We went into the u/s nervous, but ok. The tech measured, measured, remeasured, said "humm....let me go get the dr." I immediately started crying. The tech doesn't get the dr for no reason. In comes in a doctor who I have never met before in the practice, she said in a super calm voice, "your baby is measuring smaller than we like, we would like to induce you." I asked when, thinking in a few days, she said "right now, I want you to go straight to labor and delivery." I lost it. I wasn't ready, we JUST moved into our house, we didn't have any bags packed, we had every intention of coming home that night not being rushed to L&D. She continued calmly, "Sometimes babies grow better out than in, we need to get him out to keep him healthy." Noah was measuring 4lbs 2 oz and 17" on u/s, he should have been around 6ish lbs. They said he was the size of a 32 weeker. Crying, my husband and I got our stuff and walked to the L&D which was just across the road. I called my mom, who didn't answer the phone, I think I called my Sister In Law who got my mom and I am sure I hysterically told me they were going to induce and she had to be there, like she wouldn't, but I was freaking out. My husband got his mom on the phone and they all were there what seemed like minutes.
 We got to L&D and they said they would start Potocin in the AM to relax...umm ya hello..not gonna happen...remember this is around 3 pm now....we just found out something was wrong with our baby, how does one just relax? On a side note, I choose the hospital Noah was born at bc they had a level 3 NICU, "just in case." odd hu? Ne way, they told my family they could go because nothing was going to happen that night, just be ready to be there tomorrow, it was going to be a long day. I was hooked up to the monitors and listened intently to every little THUD, THUD, of his tiny heartbeat. I remember the nurses telling me to sleep, but I couldn't, so they gave me Ambein to rest. This is where the story gets crazy---bc I don't remember a lot of it, there are gaps in my brain where that info should be. I remember the nurse, who I loved, come back and telling me to roll on my other side bc Noah's heart rate would drop very low....after doing that in my drug induced haze from Ambien, the next thing I knew was I was being RAN to the OR for an emergency C-section. I do not remember being pushed through the halls, nor do I remember where Albert was during all this. I was o-u-t cold. I would wake up crying and shaking and the nurse would say it was ok, it was ok.....next thing I know, I was in the OR, prepped and they were getting ready to pull Noah out...all I remember was being cold, so cold...saying I'm sorry to Noah, odd....and shaking. That OR was so cold....I had no idea where Albert was, the nurse was holding my hand and saying here comes your baby, what??? I didn't hear a baby, I didn't hear anything. It was quiet, where's my baby? Finally my husband came by me and  was white. His face was white....he was a ghost, quiet, no words, but I remember his eyes, something was wrong. He wouldn't say anything to me and I don't think I even asked about Noah, how terrible hu? I was so drugged I couldn't. I would be awake, then just pass back out. It wouldn't be until the next morning I asked about Noah.

Well, Albert was white bc Noah was blue, and non-responsive, he was a limp rag doll. He didn't make a sound, he wasn't breathing. I didn't know all this until the next morning. He was in the NICU and we went to see him there. He was tiny, but had big feet! He was in an O2 tent bc he had pneumothorax. he has collapsed lungs. You could look at his tiny chest and see one half was completely sunk down where his lungs weren't inflated all the way. He has IV's and people were all around him. They said he was ok, and they rushed to delivered bc his heart rate dropped dangerously low and wouldn't come back up, he was in distress. He had his cord wrapped around his neck 2 times. He was small and couldn't keep his temp up so he was in an incubator for 5 days. He really did well in the NICU and was moved to Critical Care by day 6, which is a step up from NICU, and we went home on day 8. He didn't want to eat well in the NICU and it took 30 mins to get 30 mls down him. I didn't think much of it, bc he was smaller, IUGR, and he was learning. We went home and things go worse, much worse. He never wanted to eat, ever--he never seemed hungry, or cry for a bottle. He never got nursing, so I pumped. He hated to eat, just hated it, cry and arch...well reflux, we will get meds and he will be ok. Was on med's for weeks and nothing, he was tiny. Gaining weight so slow. He weighed 7 lbs at 3.5 months and his NICU follow up group wanted to admit him bc he eating about 10oz a day--on a good day....10mls here, maybe 40 mls there....it took hours to get that down him....something was wrong.

Will continue his hospitalizations on another post.